Courtney Love May Fall In Love

Courtney Love smells romance in the air and it’s not even spring yet! That’s because when you are Courtney, love is always around the corner!

Here’s what she said to say on Twitter last night:

uh oh the worlds mots fabulous person just asked me out, oh my. nuff said. hmmm.

im not used to truly fantastical creatures Godlike Genius people asking me out its been some time, id idnt just play the Garden, hmm,

i do love it when someone gets me without the circus just me kooky as i am, its so rare i better say yes immediatly!and say nothingperusual

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What is this all about? What did Courtney mean?

Let me translate:

Jimminy Crickets! A cute boy wants to hold hands with me! I won’t be a lonely Valentine this year! I might have a snugglebunny! I think he’s deep and really understands me!

I don’t mean to gush, but he’s super cute! I’m going to play hard to get! Then, he’ll really want to smooch!

Toodles!

Courtney

Courtney Love Is Not Ready For The Apple Tablet

Personally, I’ve never seen the appeal of the iPhone. Which is why I’m glad to say that Courtney Love seems about on the same page.

Check out her latest tweet:

“i got no apps on my iphone cos i cant turn it on and i can t figure out what to do w the sim card from the nokie to transfer it im retarded”

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What was she trying to say? As a fellow ludite, let me translate:

Fiddlesticks! The new iPhone is so complicated! My Nokia was sooooo much easier to use!

Dagnabit! I can’t figure it out at all! Where is Frances Bean when you need her! The kids are always able to handle the new technology! But, it baffles me. All I want to do is call, send text messages and download the new Jonas Brothers track!

Steve Jobs is a big meanie! I bet he uses apostrophes all the time just like all the other poo-poo heads.

Sigh. Oh well, it will all work out when it’s meant to work out.

Toodles,

Courtney

Courtney Love Found A Great Apartment

Sometimes it’s clear what Courtney Love is trying to say. Sometimes it’s less so. But, with a little bit of concentration it’s possible to feel the love and get under her Celebrity Skin.

Take today’s tweet as a case in point:

“nam myoho renege kyo per gramercy NAM MYOHO RENGE KYO and may the force be with me pleeease sandy im a great tenant!youll love me!”

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Some may think this is impossible to translate. I will prove them wrong:

Wozza! I found a fabulous new apartment in Gramercy Park! Do you know how hard it is to find a decent pad in Manhattan? Jeepers! I’ve been looking for months! I’m so excited I can hardly type!

I sure hope my real estate agent can snag it for me and that the landlady is cool with me. I promise to be the bestest tenant ever and whenever you want to come over and borrow a cup of sugar just knock on my door!

Toodles and wish me luck!

Courtney

Courtney Love Is Not Defined By The Pop Charts

As many of you may know, Courtney Love has a new album coming out soon. Many people are wondering if it will be as successful as her megahit “Celebrity Skin.”

But, Courtney has her own take on the subject as evidenced by a tweet she left last night:

“a number 1 song in this country means dick ill have 1 w letter for a second( discussion w stipe later) but gen they are novelty ring tones”

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Jiminy Crickets! Am I just getting old or do all the new pop songs sound alike? Honestly I don’t know how the kids today can tell the difference between Lady Gaga and all the other pop tarts. And what’s up with that girl with the dollar sign in the middle of her name? To me all the popular songs just sound like ring tones.

Sigh. I wish the kids would listen to the classics.

Oh, well. I’m sure my new single will be popular for a little while. My best gay friend really knows the music business inside out and he’s going to help me with the promotion. Thanks, Michael – you are totally fabulous! But it doesn’t really mean much to me if it becomes a number one song or not. The most important thing is that I make the best album I can! I know I can do it!

Toodles!

Courtney

Courtney Love Reaches Out To Ed Norton

Last night was a total twitter fest for Courtney Love, with something like 40 or 50 tweets. Most of it was her posting a lot of recent pictures, discussing her bra size, putting up lyrics and asking what people think of them and such.

But… she also started talking about Ed Norton with this series of tweets:

maybe @EdwardNorton we can again reconcile and you wont see your name in my twat stream ever again, how about that shit?

dont mean …ahh dont be cheesy, not THAT kind of reconcile, me and @EdwardNorton were are excellent friends, the best kind of friends

we both bring to the table a fucking lot of what the other lacks,me uncomprimising and totally primal creative genius, if i do say so

empathy, too much empathy and no sense of hiding or sneaking and complete blind loyalty+a Majestic Ass yes still,unfettered enthusiasm

with a complete lack of cyncicism, plus i have the ost exquiste taste and i always make the right moves or advise my nearest to do so,

fantastic fortune and great luck and terrible luck without a good partnership freindship with a someone like him, spiritual faith,

Honour, wich he brings in spades, once he gets over his sexism or fear of being alone w me, im sure well bebest of friends agaim,

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What was Courtney trying to say? Let me translate:

Good golly Miss Molly! I sure do miss my ex boyfriend, Ed, and would love to start hanging out with him again! I mean I know that we can’t date anymore but I think we could totally be BFF’s forever!

I’d be a great friend and wingman and never cock block you ever! We would totally compliment each other! The thing is that we totally fit. Men are from Mars and women are from Venus, but I think we could help each other become better people. Don’t you miss just hanging out and having fun?

I know that some people say that guys and girls can’t be just friends, but I think we could make it work! Stop pretending to be so macho. You don’t need to neg girls to get their attention! You are a good, honorable man, so let’s do lunch.

Toodles!

Courtney

Courtney Love Is A Little Jealous Of Jessica Simpson

While Courtney truly loves the world, that love is not always returned to her. Some say this is proof that there is no god. Some say it’s because freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.

But, when Courtney doesn’t feel the love and faces heartbreak she gets sad. And, every time Courtney cries an angel loses its wings.

Case it point: Today’s tweet from Courtney:

“im following @jessicasimpson shes as you all know by now dating my former everything but the kitchen sink and present dear friend,”

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Can you feel the sadness? I know I shed a tear when I read this. Let me translate for you:

Good gumdrops! They say it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all, but sometimes it’s hard to believe that. Once, I was in love with Billy Corgan and thought he was a great guy. Then, one day I had to say to myself “Courtney, he’s just not that into you.”

While for a while he was the bright shining star that set my heart on fire and let me believe in the power of love, I had to let him go. But, jumping jeuhusifat it’s hard to not check up from time to time. I hate being one of those girls who Google stalks their exes, but, jeepers, sometimes I can’t help it. Now, he’s dating that tart, Jessica Simpson. I wonder what they talk about? Oh well, I’m glad Billy and I are still friends and I wish them both lots of happiness in their relationship. Just be careful, Billy, don’t let her break your heart!

Courtney Loves You All

Wowza! Courtney keeps tweeting every day. And, we all know why. It’s because she cares about us and knows we care about her.

That’s right – Courtney is love! She is roses on Valentine’s Day, hot chocolate on a snowy morning and a basket of sleeping kittens all rolled up into one!

And today, she decided to say thanks. Here’s what Love tweeted to the people who love her:

“thanks for the support im simply crazed with worry im very responsible despite waht people may think, i dont know whats up, now its war.”

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So, what did she mean? What is she trying to tell us?

Let me translate:

Golly gee whilickers! I love commas, but I’m not really a fan of apostrophes! I kinda think they are big meanies! When I was in school all the bullies used apostrophes to keep us down!

Anyway, I wanted to thank all you lovely people for your kind notes of support, while I’m working on my relationship with Frances Bean. Golly, I’ve tried to be a good, responsible mama bear, but it’s hard in this day and age.

I’m deeply concerned because while I don’t want to be an intrusive helicopter mom (I’m no Momzilla!) I do want to know what’s going on in my daughter’s life and I feel left out. And, her attitude is awful! Why are teenagers so difficult? Sometimes I feel like I’m in a battle with my own daughter. It makes me feel a little blue. But, I’m going to fight for our relationship and am sure we will end up closer than ever before.

Anyway, toodles for now!

Courtney Is Concerned About Pete

One of the things we all “love” about Courtney is that she cares about others. I mean, when you look up the word “sensitive” in the dictionary the first thing you see is a picture of Courtney! There’s more than doll parts under that celebrity skin!

That’s why it warmed our cockles to see her latest twitter post:

@drdrew OFCOURSE were playing w “babyshambles” if i have to i will i will sneak him through mexico you need to fix that guy (Doherty)

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What was Courtney trying to say? Let me explain:

Mercy Me! There’s a workplace problem I need to discuss with you, Dr. Drew. I know that as a medical professional you can help – because it’s time to stage an intervention. There’s a guy I work with named Pete who seems to be developing a minor substance abuse problem. Jeepers creepers, I hope we can help him before it’s too late. We are both out of the country now, but is it possible to set up an appointment for when we get back? I’m sure you can help.

Thanks,
Courtney

Courtney Talks About Her K

Courtney Love has returned to Twitter to help enlighten mankind on the serious issues of the day.

Today she posted a semi naked picture of herself that reveals that a tattoo she got when she was married to Kurt Cobain has been partially removed. Here’s how she explained it:

“the “K: on my tummy is faded because I had bf./fiance who didn’t like seeing the ‘K: so Iwent to change it and”

followed by:

“half on my torso to remind me that things fade and that some things like Husbands never fade.”

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What did she mean? Well, let me translate for you.

“Jeepers! When I was young and in love with my husband I had a tattoo of the first initial of his name put on my stomach. It seemed so romantic. I mean, seriously, Kurt was just dreamy.

But, then tragedy struck our family and eventually I had to move on. I’ll be honest, I cried. But, then I met Ed and he was dreamy too! It felt like I could finally reopen my heart to romance. But, Ed did not like that tattoo. He’s so romantic that he didn’t want me constantly reminded of my heartbreak. Isn’t that sweet? He was such a love muffin! That’s why we were engaged for a while. Sigh.

So, I went to get it removed, but then thought that first love never really dies and while I didn’t want to upset my new sugarplumb, I never wanted to completely let go of the innocence of my first love. So, I left half and got the other half removed! It meant a lot to me and Ed totally understood my feelings.”

Courtney Returns To Twitter

Yesterday, Courtney decided it was time to revisit Twitter. So, she graced us with these fine tweets:

we are not the spears family, we have no secrets my daughter simply wants to find out who she is and needs privacy

i don’t snort anything i don’t touch opiates, i take rx but under a strict drs care, im full of life vim and vigor, there is NO reason

i think Nikki Six might be smarter than me and duff is for sure

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What does this all mean? What was Courtney trying to say?

Let me translate:

Frances and I are a stable, traditional family unit. We’ve learned from the mistakes of others and don’t hide our feelings. Right now she’s growing up and discovering the great person she can become. I hope the tabloids allow her to grow at her own pace.

I am a happy drug free person. I’ve been working with my doctor to try to get the most out of life. Please, don’t judge me.

Also, I have a great amount of respect for the bass players of Motley Crue and Velvet Revolver